Peace

I'm not and have never been a peaceful person. 

Memories are there to be learnt, not forgotten. Casually seated, at dinner a few days ago with my parents and three sisters, the subject of bullying was discussed. Amazes me how kids treat each others these days, my 7-year-old sister is being bullied by a boy in her class, he would hit her in the head, or such. Claiming it's a minor joke he does to everybody, the teacher said he never meant to hurt her. I don't know if this is how everybody feels, but my blood boils hearing about it. Nobody can have the courtesy of hurting my sister, nobody. She feels threatened, she mentioned that if she were to yell at him, he would cry and the teacher would make her apologize, and she doesn't wan't to apologize for something like that. Haha, the little cocky girl that she is. 

As a child, I hated how I looked. Amidst the hundreds of Indonesian kids in my school, I stood out, and it wasn't much of a blessing back then. I wasn't a loner, I had tons of friends, okay, like 4. But I was a nice kid, the only drama I was involved it, was on stages. It didn't stop other kids from calling me names though. They called me "Goblin" for my tall nose, and all other things that I don't remember entirely. I was nervous all the time, I got stage fright just going in front of the class to write my answers, my hands would shake badly, then my lips would tremble and my pitch distracted, making my voice disappear and reappear inconstantly, yep, that bad. Harry Potter was so in back then, and I was so offended being called a goblin, because I am not a selfishly mean mystical creature who works in the wizard bank. Duh. 

But that's where my peace lies, across the pages of books, hidden among hundreds of letters, words and sentences. Every chapter is another door, every book is another world. I like to travel in them, have my mind off of the world for a while, just letting my head capture whatever the author painted. My favorite spot in primary was the library, after school, that's where you should look if you wanted to find me. I would bring another story back to the dinner table every night, my parents were frustrated on how to get me to shut up. I couldn't fall asleep without a book in my hands, it was the only medicine for my insomnia. Which I allegedly had. 

A few weeks ago, I finished a book which is very dear to me, called "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green. The books captured emotions like no other I have read, it was just different and heartfelt. I was so very touched by it that I purchased another books written by the same author. I'm now in the middle of "Looking for Alaska" which also seem as good so far.  I took it to the pool with me on tuesday, when we had a day off this crazy week. I haven't swam in so long, it felt like a weight is lifted off my shoulders as the water touched my feet. Floating is healthy, at least for your soul. Seeing the clouds just moving away slowly is very peaceful, it makes me wish I know how big the universe is. The idea of infinity can be a little bit scary and my curious self is incapable of that. When you dive, ever felt of that strength of like.. like you're telling gravity to eff himself. I'm claustrophobic and have asthma, the fear of drowning and not being able to breathe will always be there, but in some of our fear, we find peace. I'm not and have never been a peaceful person, but I find peace in different places and I indulge myself in them, whether it's music, reading, writing, without reminder I'll crawl back to them time after time, but always. 

I also captured a picture of this beautiful butterfly,

Did you know that in some cultures, butterfly is believed to be the messenger of angels in heaven?

xx, nessie

Prediction, oh Prediction

Today was just another thursday, among the other busy days in this hectic week, I thought that it would be the less interesting. I went to campus at 12, aiming to reach the building in an hour, no surprise, my prediction was spot on. Funny thing about the word "prediction", it is officially the word of the day. In the Organizational Behaviour (OB) class today, we discussed about prediction. Tanya's group presented a case that basically is only about prediction. It's interesting how the human brain works, aye? we predict things, but some people, like myself, are most times too scared to say them out loud, refuse the embarrassment if we're wrong, yet gritted our teeth in regret if we're right.

But sometimes it takes the turn we didn't bother to predict. I predicted that today would be just another boring thursday, it wasn't exciting, but it definitely was not boring. You see, my father, a few weeks ago, predicted that my car would be in another accident. I might not say it out loud, but I refused to let him be right, so I've been so very careful in driving, just to proof him wrong. One thing that I didn't think further was my decision in forcing my sister to drive. When I first started driving, I was forced to be able to drive because that's the only way I could go to campus. It was terribly scary and heart-pumping, but a starter is most times more careful than an expert, and therefore the most dangerous ones are the starters who thinks like an expert. Oh no, I'm no expert myself, in fact, I let a few cars scraped my car (Jazzy), but I have never and hopefully will never crash into someone or something.

My sister had another timeline, today as she tried to line up through the Highway-gate, she for some reason hit the gas instead of the break, I tried to warn her in the split second available for me to scream, but she panicked, I felt a big force and sound of a big metal slamming onto other big metal, it was really fast, and she has crashed into a poor old man's car.

Leaving him with a quite major dent on his car, she told me to stay in the car while she came out and talk to the old man. I honestly felt quite bad because he seemed very genuine and kind to her, telling her to calm down and asked her if Jazzy was fine, which she isn't. My father gave us then, a long lecture about his prediction and how his prediction never missed, and he predicted I'd hit someone soon, too.
Gee, thanks Dad.

Well, what a thursday. All is fine now, Jazzy is still alive, which is all I care about. I didn't lose any body part in this accident, and the poor old man and his wife are also alive and healthy for a few more good years. Kidding. Bless that man.

I predict now, that I would be asleep as soon as I close this laptop. My back is aching and I'm extremely exhausted. But, today has taught me a lot more than any other days in the week so far. So, never underestimate the power of the ol' boring Thursday.

Good night!
xx, nessie

"A thorn defends the rose, harming only those who would steal the blossom."

- Chinese Proverb